Monday, May 22, 2006
Create your own Stop the ACLU post!
If you have yet to visit this site’s inspiration, Stop the ACLU, I suggest you do so pronto. Their right-wing rants are sweet, sweet music. Stop the ACLU features a rare blend of anger, self-righteousness, stubbornness, lack of noun-verb number agreement, and generally poor writing. If you’d like a lesson in how not to engage in a political debate, then this is the site for you.
As an exercise in walking a mile in the other guy’s shoes, I thought it might be helpful to provide a step-by-step guide to creating your very own Stop the ACLU post! Let’s get to it!
- Find a topic about which you would like to rant. Anything about church and state, homosexuals, or abortion will work, but if you’d like to change it up a bit, Muslim-bashing is workable. If there aren’t any Muslims to pick on, anyone with darker skin will do.
- Find an article to link to. Since the mainstream media -- the "MSM" if you’re in the know -- are nothing but a bunch of evil pawns of the Communist Party, instead check out WorldNetDaily or Michelle Malkin. If you really want to go the unbiased route, FOX News will probably have something for you. The content of the article isn’t that important in the end.
- Now it’s time to get pissed off. You can’t rant unless you’re angry, but not so angry as to offend old people who most likely agree with you. Look at pictures of aborted fetuses; watch a video of Cindy Sheehan at an anti-war protest; do whatever you have to to get the juices flowing.
- Begin writing the post by making a sweeping indictment of liberals, and say something about how they’re attacking you and your values yet again. [Note: The phrase “yet again” is your new best friend. It paints you as the constant victim!]
- Pick a random passage from the article you found and stick it in a block quote with an American flag background.
- Make another sweeping indictment of liberals.
- Another block quote with an American flag background.
- [This is the most important step.] Whether or not the ACLU is involved with the case in question, implicate the ACLU. If you can’t find a quote from an actual ACLU representative, conjecture will work just fine. Assume you know exactly what the entirety of the ACLU would think about the issue, and then attribute that to the ACLU.
- Talk about how this case demonstrates that the ACLU is ruining
. Use at least two of the following phrases: the myth of separation of church and state, godless Communists, the murder of unborn children, Roger Baldwin was a Communist, activist judges, legislating from the bench, national security, fighting terror, religious expression, our troops, gay agenda, indoctrination, anti-faith, Muslim extremists/Islamofascists, America’s number one religious censor, the ACLU defended NAMBLA. America
- Wrap it up by quoting Michelle Malkin.
In the event that you receive comments from detractors, follow these steps in formulating a response:
- Come up with a pun on the commenter’s name – the stupider the better.
- Ignore any facts that the commenter brought up.
- Dismiss the commenter as an ignorant liberal.
- Make fun of the commenter for having a college education.
- (See step 8 above.)
- (See step 9 above.)
Here’s your assignment: Using the guidelines above, create your own Stop the ACLU post, add it to the comments section or provide a link to it on another site, then take a shower. Whoever comes up with the best post wins a Bible, a copy of Of Pandas and People, and a Support our Troops bumper sticker.